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20121201
20121231
Search Results 0 to 7 of about 8 (some duplicates have been removed)
justed that craziest dream. and it taught me that christmas belongs to all of us because all of us can find something in it to be angry about. you there, boy? >> yes, sir. >> >> jon: what day is it? >> today? why, bit christmas day, sir. >> jon: then it's not too late. here, take this. take this coin. >> i will. thank you. [laughter] how did you ever become quarterback? >> jon: how did i ever become quarterback president? >> i got it right here, sir, lovely coin. >> jon: take this and go buy me the biggest peking cut in all of china town. >> that i will, sir, that i will. >> jon: then you and me are having chinese food and going to the mother [bleeped] movies. >> really? >> jon: yeah. >> quick question, sir. may we go see "jack reacher," sir? >> yes, absolutely. >> old man stewart. >> jon: it's going to be the best christmas for a jew, ever. >> mazel tov, guv'nor, mazel show. now, if you looked at the calendar today or talked to anyone, you know it's a very special day, 12/12/12, the day the mayans prophesized as the beginning of the shift that culmination in the end of the world on 12
. you passed. - oh, no need to thank us for fixing your friend. - you'll have to come over for christmas dinner this year. - dad, i'm gay again. - or not. you know what i'm really regretting right now. - choking our dog to death? - yeah. ♪ - thank you for saving my life, connie. - i'm sorry i caused all this trouble, guys. next time, instead of turning everyone gay, i'm just gonna sneak into ethel's cabin and chloroform her. [laughter] - wait, what? - aah! news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." [cheering and applause] [theme music playing] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a good one for you tonight. newark mayor cory booker will be joining us, but let's begin tonight as i really should begin almost every night, with an apology. we've had a bit of fun here over the years concerning what is commonly referred to this time of year as the war on christmas where a small band of 70% of the country have fought tirelessly for the right to openly celebrate the feast day of their lord's birth, to have a mass on that day honori
a christmas carol? >> sure. >> stephen: that would be great. mandy, would you join us? >> sure. >> stephen: all right. ♪ ♪ on the feast of stephen, and the snow may round about brightly shown alone at light ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ stand by me if thou most compelling ♪ ♪ don the peasant who is he wearing what his dwelling ♪ ♪ ♪ underneath the mountains right against the forest by st. agnes fountain ♪ ♪ and bring me blush and bring me love ♪ ♪ thou and i will see him dine when we bear thither. ♪ force they went together ♪ and the bitter weather ♪ stars at night is darker now and the wind grows stronger fails my heart i know not how i can go no longer ♪ ♪ dress thou boldly thou shall find the winter's rage freeze thy bloodless cold ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ therefore, christian men be sure ♪ ♪ ♪ >> stephen: good night. [cheers and applause] >> from cod news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." [cheering and applause] [theme music playing] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a good one for you tonight. newark
will be joining us, but let's begin tonight as i really should begin almost every night, with an apology. we've had a bit of fun here over the years concerning what is commonly referred to this time of year as the war on christmas where a small band of 70% of the country have fought tirelessly for the right to openly celebrate the feast day of their lord's birth, to have a mass on that day honoring their christ, a mass christ, if you will. [laughter] now, we have poked fun at this, saying such things as, there is no war on christmas or you're [bleeped] crazy. [laughter] classic wit. that was before i realized what these poor folks have been going through. >> this is the thing about atheists, they bully other religions. >> they're trying to put their hands in my religion. >> it's about being intolerant to the nature of tradition in this country. this ends up being about bullies. >> they're being bullies. what are christians supposed to do? turn the other cheek. oh, oh, no, wrong jesus, my friend. >> there is a problem in america with the christian forces being weak. >> that's right. i'm telli
will stop yapping about how he sponsored the u.s. speed skating team. big deal. we sponsored a team too. but since our show has a budget of zero dollars, we couldn't afford any american teams. so for the price of a cup of coffee, we found out you can sponsor the iranian ice dancing team. death to america. good night. [cheers and applause] >> from cod news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." [cheering and applause] [theme music playing] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a good one for you tonight. newark mayor cory booker will be joining us, but let's begin tonight as i really should begin almost every night, with an apology. we've had a bit of fun here over the years concerning what is commonly referred to this time of year as the war on christmas where a small band of 70% of the country have fought tirelessly for the right to openly celebrate the feast day of their lord's birth, to have a mass on that day honoring their christ, a mass christ, if you will. [laughter] now, we have poked fun at this, saying such things as
Search Results 0 to 7 of about 8 (some duplicates have been removed)